Criticism: what’s up with that anyways?

Criticism. Hmm…such a heavy word. What is criticism after all? It is merely a sound. Already, it feels much lighter, doesn’t it?

So why do we take criticism so personally anyways? In a way, I’m guessing that it has something to do with our ego. Our ego; our primal, defense mechanism. It’s being flustered. It’s being shaken. There must be some part of truth in what someone tells us, otherwise it wouldn’t affect us, right? If someone told me I was a stealer but I never stole in my whole life, there is no way it would even slightly affect me.

Another interesting theory is that we are all mirrors of one another; we are simply reflections of each other. I met this older lady lately who told me, ‘every time we speak, we are talking back to ourselves’. That was amongst the most useful comment anyone told me.

Knowing that, next time, when your girlfriend says to you: ‘hey, I find you slightly impatient today’. You may want to reflect the question back at her (nicely, girls 😉) and ask: ‘Might you be feeling a bit impatient today honey? Cuz’, I am feeling great!’ As gently and non-judgmentally as possible, of course.

Again, there are parts of truth to what people tell us. Perhaps, that’s why we take it so personal… In that case…

First, ask yourself, does this apply to myself? And be honest with yourself. Maybe it doesn’t at all, then that’s great. Sometimes people say things that they notice something about us the is not for the best of us, and we have no idea we had it. It could be a habit or a flaw. It can be useful to pay attention sometimes to what others say. There may be some truth on that. Moving on..

Second, is it possible that they are in fact talking back to themselves? Now, do you see if that was the case, you can now start feeling more compassionate towards this person. Many times, people say things that are more about their internal world. They see an expression on our faces or hear a word we say which triggers a reaction to their inner world.

Third, even if it were true, what can I learn from it? How can I improve on myself? Thank her for her comment, reflect on it, and then let it go. You are going to feel so much better, I promise. (They, on the other hand, may be a little perplexed).

After all, we are social animals. We live among other people, and learning to socialize and interact with respect and consideration is important if we want to reach our life goal. We all are in this together and we all should helping each other to get the best of life. And, isn’t it through the art of mingling that we learn most about ourselves anyways?